Capelle On Golf

The Outburst
Another G—d— it from the lips of Tiger Woods filled the airways early Monday morning in response to an errant tee shot that likely ended his hopes for extending his winning streak at the WGC-CA.

I also knew that a cameraman had snapped a picture too soon at the ninth hole of the final round on Sunday, leading to a Woods bogey, but I missed the following: according to Armando Salguero of the Miami Herald (and two other sources), Woods called a photographer who clicked his camera a moment too soon a “jackass.” Then, moments later this:

Woods had some choice words for the photographers who were shadowing him as he walked from the ninth green to the 10th tee. ”The next time a photographer shoots an [expletive] picture,” Woods warned, “I’m going to break his [expletive] neck.” So much for focusing on the next hole.

AOL’s Hung Jury
At sports.AOL.com/golf the story quickly became big news, and they put up one of their polls, which attract a large response due to the site’s position in the mainstream media. AOL asked the following question: If the tirade reports are accurate, did Tiger Woods’ comments cross the line?
As of 3:52 pm EST 3,050 fans had voted. 50% voted Yes, 50% voted No. A hung jury if ever there was one. So I took it upon myself to try the case.

Closing Arguments for the Prosecution
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, Tiger Woods is a man of many virtues. He is a devoted family man, he works hard to achieve his goals, he is a poster boy for physical fitness, and he is honest with himself and the media. Yes, there is much to admire in Tiger Woods. But, unfortunately, there is this other side of Tiger Woods, the one that appears on the golf course when he’s visible to his millions of fans and impressionable youngsters who idolize him.

This Tiger curses, slams clubs, throws clubs and, in an incredible display of anger, once raked a green with his putter at the 2005 U.S. Open. He’s been “punished” countless times by the PGA, who refuses to reveal the offenses and the amount of the fines. Still, his oftentimes nasty behavior persists.

Now we have this latest outburst at the WGC-CA Doral. The “jackass’ comment was caught on tape, and there were several witnesses who have sworn to the verbal threat that was issued as Tiger walked to the next tee. The PGA Tour has failed to properly take care of this situation, so it is up to us to see that justice is served. His poor behavior is accelerating into dangerous territory and it must be checked before something more extreme takes place. Ladies and gentleman, I ask that you find the defendant guilty on all charges.

Closing Arguments for the Defense
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, Tiger Woods is a fine gentleman who has shown his goodness in many ways. He was a model child, never causing his parents any problems. He writes instruction for Golf Digest where he reveals his many secrets to golf in the hopes of improving the games of his millions of fans.

He has conducted numerous clinics for children, whom he adores. His AT&T National tournament honors veterans, and his Tiger Woods Foundation has broadened the educational horizons for thousands of children. Finally, this is a man who says that his greatest achievement in life is the birth of his daughter Sam. This is the real Tiger Woods.

The Tiger Woods at Doral was acting in response to numerous ethical violations by the media. Tiger was just trying to defend his ability to compete on equal terms with his competitors who are not subjected to such intrusions. His outbursts, while unfortunate, are a result of the PGA Tour’s failure to properly police the throngs of cameramen who hound him wherever he goes. I hereby ask that the jury find Tiger Woods, a good and honorable man, not guilty on all charges.

The Verdict
Tiger Woods, this court has found you guilty on the following charges: using offense language that is harmful to youngsters who look up to you, violating the good behavior rules of the PGA Tour, and threatening bodily harm to professional and not-so professional photographers.

The Punishment
Tiger Woods, since you are a repeat offender this court sees fit to deal with you severely. You have had the best role model for on course behavior in Jack Nicklaus, who set the standard not just for performance, but for sportsmanship. And yet your actions fly in the face of these standards, much to the dismay of your fans. Your behavior shows kids the wrong way to behave, and it is counter to the traditions of the game.

You will be required to pay a $500,000 fine to the charity of Rory Sabbatini’s choosing. We require that you undergo six months of anger management therapy. Finally, you are on probation for the next 12 months. Should there be any further demonstrations of excessive anger, you will be suspended from competing in the next major championship.